How We Met The Avengers
by MCEProd22
Summary: After What seems like 8 years of Ted Moseby telling the same story to his son and Daughter in 2030. He decides to spice things up and Incorporate a movie he knows they haven't seen yet.
1. Setup

Kids, I've told you many stories. Including what seems like 8 year long reach of telling you how I met your mother. But there are a few stories I've never mentioned. You've heard about famous events in New York like 9/11 and the Blackout of 2003. I mentioned how your uncle Marshall very nearly saved a jumper near the World Trade Center on 9/11. There was also the time your Aunt Lilly kept alive her building manager during the blackout in 2003. The near time your Uncle Barney kept us in New Orleans on vacation when Katrina hit including your Aunt Robin who was on a field assignment just weeks before we met. No, this was much bigger encompassing not just the 5 of us. It encompassed all of Manhattan. You know how all about mine and Robins falling out after my final declaration of love for her. The week before your cousin Marvin was born we saw one of the darkest events ever. By accident your mother was very nearly killed if it wasn't for one courageous man, and no I'm not talking about me. Kids this is the story of the Chitauri invasion of New York and how your Aunt Robin joined The Avengers.


	2. Chapter 1: Journey

Chapter 1: Journey

**Note: I'm Not going by the comics when it comes to Maria Hill's origin so i may plagiarize some details. The stuff with Blah Blah's sister is also made up **

Let's start with us encountering one of our groups famous doppelgangers, Eerie but awesome lookalikes between the spring of 2009 and the winter of 2011. As you know we have, Mustache Marshall, Stripper Lilly, Mexican Wrestler Me, and Fertility Doctor Barney, but the first doppelganger we encountered as you know was Lesbian Robin.

Now, let's go back to what she was up to on the day we encountered Lesbian Robin herself. Maria Hill as we later found out was called, was born into a single father household in Chicago in 1971. Turned off by her own fathers resentment at losing his wife but keeping his daughter she rebelled at the various normalcy's in her life. At 18 she joined the Air Force Academy and graduated magna cum, after a four year station service at Niagara Falls she spiraled downward into a pit of lesbianism. The source of this came from her own best friend.

Her roommate at Air Force was the sister of my own date that I met while playing World of Warcraft Blah Blah. Now what was her name again…? For the sake of the story let's call her, Lucy Winters. Now Lucy was a great person herself come from a normal family of Christian youth ministers and was raised well and hard on the teaching of Jesus. But the day came when she found out firsthand she wasn't into guys. The powedepuff football game at her local high school led her to accidently bump into her class valedictorian's chest and bada-bing bada-boom. Lucy came out to her parents and her friends, was immediately cast out to her more accepting aunt's place in Colorado and managed to fit in better by joining in the glee club before it was ruined by Glee in 2009.

The 2nd day of school for both Maria and Lucy led them to bump into each other by complete accident. It was while on the way to her advanced physics class when Maria got sideswiped by Lucy's extended hand while not looking to cross into the quad on campus. The shock knocked a molar out and led a friendship to be formed. The 2 grew close and applied to be roommates soon after. Their friendship solidified when both got stationed to Niagara. The time was great for Maria but Lucy was lacking in the experience. She convinced Maria to leave the station but together and came out to her. Maria not wanting to loose her best friend admitted she was bi and the 2 were dishonorably discharged, the couple moved to New York in the fall of 2006 and led a pretty quiet life.

The turning point however came in the summer of 2009 just before I started my tenure as a college professor and Barney and Marshall would make and unexpected discovery in the streets. They may have found your Aunt Robins doppelganger but what happened next for Maria after seeing them would set everything else in motion.


	3. Chapter 2: Tragedy

**Chapter 2: Tragedy**

_"Lucy do you need anything I'm stopping by TGI Fridays."_

_"Just Jalapeno Poppers, Maria can you take that ball and glove with you I got to get them polished. "_

_"Got it, later."_ Maria grabbed the ball and glove and walked out of the duplex. The steps down to the streets were not hard but not easy. Then came the walk, in New York there was a certain way Lesbians or ones faking on the grounds of keeping a best friend like Maria appeared. The flannel was a thing she could not get used to. It was nearly 20 minutes later as she turned the corner to a famous bar in the area.

"_McLaren's, I should stop in and grab some food."_

The walk down to the bar was not an easy one it wasn't like the bars she and Lucy went to awfully old styled and very much like a TV show. The nearest seat was centered right in front of the taps. Maria sat down and placed the glove and ball right down by her feet. The barhop with black hair popped by her and warmly smiled.

_"You look different new look?"_

_"Yeah I get that in this area, and you are."_

_"Wendy, I'm one of the two main waitresses around here can I get you something to drink Robin."_

_"No I'm not Robin, my name is Maria."_

_"Oh, I'm sorry you look just like one of this bars famous five."_

_"Famous five?"_

_"Yeah, our five best customers, you see that first booth over there. Nearly every other night I look in that booth and admire how no matter what there problems are they always come in and drink up."_

Maria looked down and sighed heavily her friendship and subsequent fake relationship with Maria over the past 9 years and kept thinking about how shuttered her life was. They hardly went out and when they did it was in friendly areas. Her devotion to Maria was eating away her personality and now it was time to finally admit it.

_"Wendy I'll take Jalapeño poppers and 3 Bacardi Mojitos."_ Maria flashed out three 20's.

_"Coming up."_ The timing of the drinks came fast and hard and for the first time in 6 years Maria felt total liberation. After filling up she dropped off Wendy an excellent tip grabbed the ball and walked out. The corner near the sports outfitter came into view and down the street Maria could hear a conversation.

_"Marshall, seriously 83% of all marriages could only end in divorce and after just meeting your own future in the form of your secretary. Trust me the mermaid theory will take effect soon."_

_"Barney, 83% of the time you use 83 in anything your always wrong while the other 17."_

The two stopped dead in their tracks to check a penny on the street now was the time to cross, but the necessity to spit came first. As she was crossing all she heard was.

_"Barney look."_

Maria sped up and quickly walked away. But before getting out of their range she heard them brag.

_"I swear Barney, Robin is not a lesbian."_

_"You better be right about this Marshall."_

The sporting outfitter was within a block and all Maria kept thinking to herself was this mysterious Robin.

_"From what Wendy and those guys said I do look like this Robin. That does remind me, a couple Canadian guys at the base did ask me once if I look like that chick who sang **Let's go to the Mall** what was her name."_ She pondered that and went in.

Inside while Maria waited for the glove and the ball she did some soul searching. _"Maybe those guys were right, I should get on with my life and I'm sure Lucy could be open to just having a friendship I mean that dude who played Clifford on Threes Company pretended he was gay and got away with it. That's it I'm telling Lucy I'm not Bi and if she wants me to leave I will."_

After the ball and glove were fixed and polished Maria stopped by TGI Fridays and picked up the sampler meal. The long walk back gave her time to mark down what she wanted to say. Then came the door and now she noticed it was broken in. Maria raced up the stairs to their apartment to find it had been ransacked. The next thing she saw was one of the worst she ever experienced.

_"Lucy…"_ The tears began to form almost immediately. Her best friend had her wrists cut and neck sliced open right on top of her bed. All the while her journal open to the page where she admitted she did not want to be around Lucy anymore was covered in blood. Maria sunk to her knees in despair. Then the most unexpected thing happened.

_"So this is what it's come to."_

The voice came from her own computer which had been turned on by accident. On the screen was an african american wearing a dark suit with a black eyepatch.

_"Excuse me?"_

_"Maria Hill, Air Force leutenant dishonorably discharged after admition of bisexuality but we both know you're not really bisexual."_

Maria got up and walked over to the computer and sat down on the chair."

_"Who are you?"_

_"Nick Fury... Director of **S.H.I.E.L.D**., and your last hope."_

Maria now knew what he was talking about.

_"I'm listening."_


	4. Chapter 3: Comeback

**Chapter 3: Comeback**

**A/N. This sounds a little too Dark let me know Otherwise. Also should I make her training the 4th chapter or should I add it on here cause the 4th picks up with the episode where Robins Pregnant.**

* * *

Maria stood in front of the computer and listened intently.

_"Your life as you know it is now over." "The only solution for yourself is to vanish, what Lucy did from the looks of it was to set the place up as a murder and set you up to take the fall." "Here is what you need to do."_

Maria stood there and listened to Fury's instructions for a good fifteen minutes gathering exactly what had to happen in order for her to escape. When he finished Maria stood at the ready to cleanse her past.

_"Sir, is this the end of me,"_

_"Hill, America loves comebacks, you pull this off right you may just have yourself one." "After everything is done the escort will pick you up at the rendezvous point you gave us."_

_"I Understand Sir."_

_"I'll be seeing you on the other side."_

With that the feed on her computer cut out. Maria raced to grab the flammable liquids and alcohol from her fridge. The stuff went everywhere covering every suspicious nook and cranny of the apartment until she gave Lucy the signiture treatment. A bottle of the wine they shared on their vacation in Palau was stuffed with a washcloth she coated in wasp spray. It was made to be held in her hands with the rag extending out to the line of flammable liquid. After tying a scarf around the slit neck Maria gave one last look at the place and her friend. Prepping herself to give the same speech she was all set to give her earlier.

_"Lu, I know the last three years were some of the greatest for you because of our friendship." She held back the tears that were starting to form. "But, I never wanted to loose you, I am not bisexual, all that we had sleeping together, our long walks and even our plans to go tie the knot. I never wanted that._

She struggled to keep her composure, _"I wanted my life to go great but after today, after seeing what you did I now know the only way for it to get better would be to erase us from this world." "My friend you will be the fire of my rebirth. The only thing I'm glad about is that this was an empty duplex."_

Maria walked over and kissed the top of her forehead for the last time. _"Goodbye Lucy, I'll always love you as a friend."_

Maria grabbed her remaining possessions and stuffed the, duffel bag to full capacity. Before shutting the door on the apartment she reached into the closet and grabbed a box, inside contained another piece of the Palauan vacation. 2 cigars both wrapped in a pink bow and a set of matches.

_"You said when we bought these that we would have them on our honeymoon." "Ill at least let you have yours before I say goodbye. "_

Maris struck the match and lit her cigar drawing hard on it. She set it down and repeated the process on the second. Only with that one she flicked it backward to the line the gas started from. The door shut as she heard the liquid start to ignite as she quickly went down the stairs to get the street with bag in one hand and cigar in another. The streets were very quiet as she walked down puffing away on the cigar as she waited for the inevitable.

_"Hmm I wonder if that even was…"_

Before she could even finish she felt the boom, not wanting to look oblivious she shifted her eyes to avert the gaze to the blast. The building went up instantly and you could hear the screams from the outlying buildings. Luckily no one was inside.

_"I'm glad no one noticed me."_ Maria thought while she turned back to the road. The fire trucks could be heard as she looked one last time at the building she called home for the past 3 years.

_"Take one final look at the past and were out."_

With one simply shrug she was gone.

**25 minutes later**

The rendezvous point came into full view and noticing her cigar was almost spent she took one last draw on it savoring every last bit smoke until stubbing it out into the street. Now her attention turned to the place itself. The bar looked like it was in full glow of the NYC nightlife.

_"McLaren's, not bad I actually like this bar."_

Maria turned to see someone walking from the distance carrying what looked to her as a full dissertation of her entire record. The soft figure of his suit glowed in contrast to his dark hair and stature.

_"Are you one of Fury's goons?" she asked amused by his demenor._

_"Maria Hill, I'm junior agent Phil Coulson of the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division."_

_"SHIELD Right."_

_"Yes, Directory Fury asked me to be the one to bring you in."_

_"No Offense Coulson, but you don't look that much like an escort."_

_"I see humor is a big factor of you coping mechanism Stark uses the same tactic."_ He switched subjects to the reason he was there to get her. _"I'm sorry to hear about your friend."_

She turned back to see the sound of the fire trucks and the growing rise of the smoke from her former life. Wanting to move forward she shrugged it off. _"She wasn't my friend she was my roommate, shall we get going."_

_"Ok then lets go."_ Maria and Coulson turned to walk down the street to the area behind McLaren's. While passing by the door of the bar it opened just a crack. The woman who popped out bore Maria's same traits.

_"So where is your ride?"_ Maria looked way to full of herself walking; Coulson grabbed her just before she could turn.

_"Actually Hill, its parked right here."_The quinjet suddenly materialized out of the thin air, both boarded. And within 15 minutes the jet launched.

The next 2 1/2 years would become very eventful for Hill as she rose quickly up through the ranks with harder work and detrmination than any prior agent before. Her impressive handeling of the Hulk in Harlem and the cooardination of resucing a body in the Arctic. would lead her to a promotion to Fury's second in command. The way she handled herself continued to show measure as while her collegaues conatined a satalitie in New Mexico she would unexpectedly return to New York.


	5. Chapter 4: Truth

_**Chapter 4: Truth**_

**A/N: This one also took a while, anyway this occurs during the final scene of Symphony of Illumination**

**Enjoy More will come soon**

* * *

It was December of 2011 and Robin had just cursed me out and was alone in Central Park alone imaging she was talking to her future kids she would now never have. The tension of her grave voice was irreconcilable,

_"Ted doesn't get it... at all."_ The tears at this point were fathomable why she always had to have Ted cheer her up, Marshall, and Lilly, or even Barney, yes Barney. Everywhere she felt alone with the fact that she couldn't truly know why or who she is.

_"How can this get better…?"_

_"Actually, Ms. Scherbatsky, I can provide that solution."_

The figure came to join her on the bench somehow resembling her every stature. Robin was doing double takes looking back and forth at this notion.

_"Wait is this a Black Swan thing? Cause they said that one of my doppelgangers would try to take over my life."_

The figure laughed it off just in the same way Robin always did. _"Robin, I believe your friends incorrectly referred to me as a Lesbian."_

_"Oh, no we just assumed..."_

_"Don't worry I kept this ruse going for a full 6 years until they saw me and had my world shatter. Then I found a new life, I can do the same thing for you."_

_"I'm sorry, Ms."_ Robin said scratching her head.

_"Maria Hill, lieutenant director of the the Strategic Homeland Inter Extrential and Logistics Division."_

Robin laughed at Maria's strange demeanor. _"You pretended to be a lesbian and now you work for a secret government agency I don't see how your life compares to mine."_

Maria rubbed Robin's cheek and smiled "_You're familiar with the Prince and the Popper right?"_

_"Yes, are you saying you want to pull that?"_

_"Cliché Ms. Scherbatsky yes, but you say you want to escape from your life.., why is that?"_

_"I've had this group of friends since 2005, 2 of them I've dated, and somehow I now found out I'm infertile I can't face them knowing that one, or both of them still may want to come back to me someday."_

Maria gave her a tissue as a light snow began to fall again. She blew her nose and handed it back.

_"So now what Ms. Hill, you expect me to give up my life and just have you assumed mine."_

_"No, I want to give you a reason to come back to your life with a better and more determined purpose."_

_"So what's the plan?"_

20 Minutes passed as Maria and Robin gave each other all the details of their own affairs over the years. What they needed to do and how to behave and completely assimilate each other. The switch in clothes later and they stood outside of Ted and Robin's building ready for this to begin.

_"Robin, if you want extraction you just need to text the word ARCREACTOR to my private phone. It will auto send instructions for the switchback."_

Robin looked at Maria wearing the same clothes she had just spent an hour and a half crying in, she now realized that she may not be seeing any of the guys again.

_"Maria, if I die doing this, tell them at the bar not in private."_

_"Will do Robin."_

_"Ok, here goes."_

Maria watched Robin walk off looking just like her own appearance to Lucy all those years ago. By the time she cleared the building Robin was gone, and Maria Hill now became Robin Charles Sparkles Scherbatsky.

_"Ok, Ted let's see how you're going to cheer me up."_

Maria opened the door and began the climb into her new life."


	6. Chapter 5: Montage

_**Chapter 5: Montage**_

* * *

Now I know it may seemed a little far-fetched Maria simply stepping into your Aunt Robins shoes. That all what happened between that night in December and when I mentioned that we didn't speak for a long time after my final declaration of love was her faking it and your Aunt never experienced this was nuts.

But It was. And yet we now move forward to April 2012. Three days before Robin's fateful helicopter rescue. Robin had just been involved in an accident and the theft of a cube of immense power known as the **Tesseract**. Just after she had gotten out of the tunnel below the Shield base a lot was going through her mind.

_"What the hell am I doing."_ She thought as she dug herself out of that jeep _"I let that weird guy get away with both Barton and the cube, I know Fury's going to have me for this."_

The decision was rolling around in her mind and just as she went to work digging for any and all survivors of the base collapse.

_"Maria, you'd better not have wrecked things for me worse than I already have for you."_

When Robin got a free moment in between pulling bodies from the rubble the phone was out she texted the magic word and within 2 minutes the reply came.

In New York Maria looked over all the stuff that happened in those 4 ½ months, the burning beekeeper, Drunk Train, even Barney and that stripper. As she packed up her belongings and got set to head to the extraction point one thought raced through her head.

_"The way things are Robin better not have done worse."_

Without saying a word Maria left the city. A Day and a half later the local dinner in Puente Antiguo, New Mexico after the events of the destroyer and Thor's defense. The tension between them was nonexistent as they warmly greeted each other.

45 Minutes after catching each other up to speed the real conversation began on the ramifications of what just happened. Maria was not that into the information.

_"Barton's gone rogue?"_

_"No," _Robin sarcastically said _"He and Loki just decided to make their own buddy cop movie. Of course he's gone rogue."_

_"Robin, from what you told me and yes I was aware of the t_esseract_, as I studied this and know all about the good Capt. Steve Rogers as well. Loki has it, Barton, and Selvig?_

_"Yes and somehow I know this will get away from me. Maria these last 4 months have been awesome, I've learned more and accomplished more than I ever hoped, but I think I'm ready to go back to New York, and let the Real Lt. Hill take this."_

_"Okay then, we'll switch here and now I got your stuff here already to go."_

Rather than carry on they exchanged bags and went into the bathroom and switched. Within 20 minutes they were switched and went back out onto the street. Maria looked over at Robin and her mind was working overtime.

_"So, are we never gonna see each other again."_ Robin barely got out.

_"Robin, you've known Fury for the past 4 months and on the day my life was pulled back from the brink he gave me the best piece of advice I've ever gotten."_

_"What was it?"_

_"America loves comebacks, you pull this off right you may just have yourself one. Now I've given you the best start for a second rebirth possible Far Away from Ted and Barney all you have to do is just live for yourself."_

_"Okay Hill I think I can do that. It's been a pleasure so long for now."_

The two saluted each other and turned opposite directions Maria to the awaiting quinjet and Robin in a private car set to take her to Santa Fé. During that long ride Robin looked over Maria's detailed reporting of all that went down and how to reassert herself back into the lives of us. One thought remained on her mind as the day waned.

_"I wonder if Maria knows what she's getting herself into."_

Little did we know, the answer would come soon enough for her and all of us.


	7. Chapter 6: Nemesis

_**A/N: Thanks to those who still favorited even though this has been the slowest of all my stories. Good stuff coming with this one soon and like always enjoy.**_

_**Chapter 6: Nemesis**_

* * *

_"How does Tony Stark manage to pull this crap off?"_

Barney had asked this many times over the past week as he made his way to GNB. The GNB new location where the Arcadian used to stand was being construction was far from Stark Tower but as they had not moved yet his route to work mad him pass by that eyesore every single day.

_"Just because, he is oh Iron Man doesn't mean he can turn the greatest city in the world into his own personal playground that was the job of that green guy who wrecked Harlem."_

It was with that notion that he entered GNB and made his way up to his office. Now for the life of me none of us still really at this point knew what he did during the workday so let's just say he ran an OTB out of his office.

_"I have 10:1 odds on I'll Have another for the derby going all around…."_

It was near 10:30 that morning when an unexpected break came into his usual daily routine. Midway through a session involving the NBA playoffs his ear set rang. He pressed the button never breaking stride with the 15 people in the room.

_"Heat at 7:4 in 5 over the Thunder I got $300 on that and go for Barney."_

_"Mr. Stinson my name is Logan Killian, my sources tell me you were the last person to have slept with Robin ______Scherbatsky_."

_"Well not that it's worth bragging about it but yeah it is worth it before she turned me down for that annoying Kevin."_ Barney still managed to take multiple bets while waiting on the line but his patience with the caller soon ran thin._ "Look buddy I'm a bit busy so if you mind taking a hi…."_

_"Mr. Stinson I suggest you stop what you are doing and clear the room of anyone else in it if the life of your ex girlfriend will have anything to do with it."_

Barney suddenly dropped the wad of cash he had in his hand and looked lost and disoriented. Realizing that the caller meant business he did the sensible thing.

_"Hi I'm sorry I have to take this so if you don't mind lets pick this up tomorrow."_ Tracy then came in after Barney pressed the buzzer on his desk. _"Tracy can you escort the gentleman out I have another international bet on the line."_

_"Right away Mr. Stinson."_ Tracy led the group away from the office as Barney got up and drew his blinds while dimming the lights on all the devices including his computer screen. He then switched back around to his desk and pressed the button on his headset.

_"Ok Mr. Killian you have my attention, why are you going after Robin?"_

_"Oh, it's not Robin I want its someone else, you see Mr. Stinson there is a friend of hers I've been tracking for a year now and she has one piece of a puzzle I need for the single most important moment this pathetic race will ever see."_

_"Robin has 3 well technically 2 very great friends I'd be happy to get them through to you."_

_"No Mr. Stinson I'm not interested in either of The Eriksen's or Mr. Mosby. There is a girl who used to live in this city before a fire sadly claimed her life 3 years ago. I know she really didn't perish and she actually set the fire herself to escape her life. After she made contact with you and Mr. Eriksen."_

_"No you don't mean…"_

_"Ahh, Doppelgangers are such rare anomalies aren't they? I have it on a hunch that Robins own had a very valued peace that she gave to one of you guys during the 4 months she lived here. Mr. Stinson I will be contacting you again in 36 hours your instructions are very simple, locate either the item in question or Maria Hill and bring one of them to me. Failure to do so will result in the first victims of my coming wrath being the Famous 5 of McLaren's. I bid you Adieu."_

The headset went dead as Barney stood in stunned silence. He gathered himself then went back into a normal routine after that. But below the surface it could be said that the call affected him gravely he got on the phone within 20 minutes after going for lunch to call the only person he trusted with valued Robin information.

_"Ted bar 20 minutes and suit down if you can."_

Me, meanwhile the caller arrived in a building in Utica with an agenda of his own.

_"Agent Barton, Dr. Selvig fabulous choice, begin unloading."_

The setup began as the duo started Loki looked at his valued briefcase with only one simple word on his mind.

_"Soon…"_


End file.
